Doesn't matter

I find it's hard to wake up from my comfortable bed, to put cold water over my whole body, when the whole household is still in their deep sleep, to press my shirt, dress up and go out into the darkness of dawn when even the sun still doesn't show up, to start my car's engine and drive off into the soul-crushing traffic to get to the soul-crushing job which I know half of people there don't trust me, and half of the people there that I don't trust them too, to do a job which I am not wanted nor needed to do, for a soul-crushing 8 hours long, just to get back to heavy, soul-crushing traffic again on my way back home, just to know that I've should get some rest so that tomorrow I can do the same soul-crushing routine again.

Really, I've got no more soul to spare...

My Angry Caffeine

I've never been so angry in my entire life...

...than the way I've been angry in my dream/nightmare that night.

It's scared me out!

My Opportunist Caffeine

Take a chance. Please.

My Burdened Caffeine

There's a monkey on my back! There's a monkey on my back! There's a monkey on my back! There's a monkey on my back! There's a monkey on my back! There's a monkey on my back! There's a monkey on my back! There's a monkey on my back! There's a monkey on my back! There's a monkey on my back! There's a monkey on my back! There's a monkey on my back! There's a monkey on my back! There's a monkey on my back! There's a monkey on my back! There's a monkey on my back! There's a monkey on my back! There's a monkey on my back! There's a monkey on my back! There's a monkey on my back! There's a monkey on my back! There's a monkey on my back! There's a monkey on my back! There's a monkey on my back! There's a monkey on my back! There's a monkey on my back! There's a monkey on my back! There's a monkey on my back! There's a monkey on my back! There's a monkey on my back! There's a monkey on my back! There's a monkey on my back! There's a monkey on my back! There's a monkey on my back! There's a monkey on my back! There's a monkey on my back! There's a monkey on my back! There's a monkey on my back! I want to take it off! Can you take it off!? There's a monkey on my back! There's a monkey on my back! There's a monkey on my back! There's a monkey on my back! There's a monkey on my back! There's a monkey on my back! There's a monkey on my back! There's a monkey on my back! There's a monkey on my back! There's a monkey on my back! There's a monkey on my back! There's a monkey on my back! There's a monkey on my back! There's a monkey on my back! There's a monkey on my back! There's a monkey on my back! There's a monkey on my back! There's a monkey on my back! There's a monkey on my back! There's a monkey on my back! There's a monkey on my back! There's a monkey on my back! There's a monkey on my back! There's a monkey on my back! There's a monkey on my back! There's a monkey on my back! There's a monkey on my back! There's a monkey on my back! There's a monkey on my back! There's a monkey on my back! There's a monkey on my back! There's a monkey on my back! There's a monkey on my back! There's a monkey on my back! There's a monkey on my back! There's a monkey on my back! There's a monkey on my back! There's a monkey on my back! There's a monkey on my back! There's a monkey on my back! There's a monkey on my back! There's a monkey on my back! There's a monkey on my back! There's a monkey on my back! There's a monkey on my back! There's a monkey on my back! There's a monkey on my back! There's a monkey on my back! There's a monkey on my back! There's a monkey on my back! There's a monkey on my back! There's a monkey on my back! There's a monkey on my back! There's a monkey on my back!

There's a monkey on my back!

My Lost Caffeine

You were that foundation, never gonna be another one, no! I followed, so taken, so conditioned I can't never let go... Then sorrow, then sickness, then the shock when you flip it on me! So hollow, so vicious, so afraid I couldn't let myself see...

I can stay and fight for you, but I choose not to... Can't see myself stuck round and round for the same loop! I try my best, but maybe just not good enough for you, but it will never gonna be another time, I promise this to you! 

Thank you for the confident betray. See me as a crack in this castle of glass, but it also a reason for me to never back down or stray! Walking through this crack of every broken hearts, left open as if it's just another hole away! I'm falling like an army, but I stand up again as a warrior as I see you at the turn in the burning glow! I held you up, but you struck me down, and at the worst, you'll heard me say, "things aren't better if I stay!"

I'm not weeping for the road untraveled, I'm not weeping for the path left alone, coz as the starlight fade to grey, I'll be watching far away! And mark my word, I'll be happy when you're gone!

But I see now what worth to fight and what not, I know now there always will be someone who hurt! But I'm not gonna be the one who ashamed of the choice I've made! 

And these promises broken, deep below, each word get lost in the echo... 

I'll be gone to be whole again!

My Special Caffeine

"If you treat every one the same, then you'll treat nobody special" - Quote








I can't treat you differently, and it hurts...

My Worthless Caffeine

Weep not for road untraveled,

Weep not for path left alone.

Coz beyond every bend,

is a long blinding end,

 it the worst kind of pain I know...

Give up your heart left broken,

and let that mistakes pass on...

Coz the love that you lost,

wasn't worth what it cost,

and in time you'll be glad it's gone...

-Linkin Park, Road Untraveled, Living Things 2012-

I'm not worth what it cost...

and in time you'll be glad I'm gone.